Buff: Hey Henry, what's holding ya up? Let's get on with the show! We can't hang around here all day.
Buck: Now Buff, be patient. It takes a little doing to set these things up.
We first see Henry as the curtain opens on Stage 2. He's a rather formal bear with a country necktie and collar.
Melvin: Yea, we ain't going anywhere anyhow. We're kind of hung up here!
Henry: Okay, okay boys, take it easy, take it easy. Now we're ready to start. Sorry folks, I'll be right with you. (clears throat)
A bear then rises from Center stage left, sitting in front of a ragtime piano, with a beehive on top. A straw is in it.
Henry: Give me a little intro there Gomer. The bear starts playing as Henry introduces the show.
Henry: Howdy folks, welcome to the one and only original Country Bear Jamboree *presented by Pepsi Cola and Frito Lay* featuring a bit of Americana, our musical heritage of the past. But enough of this chit chat, yick yack, and flim flam. Just refrain from hybernating and we'll all enjoy the show, because we got a lot to give.
Gomer plays a little interlude and while he does the heads on the wall compliment him.
NOTE: The line between the asterix was taken out when Pepsi and Frito Lay stopped sponsoring CBJ.
Melvin: Hey, he's a regular Liberace.
Buck: And he plays good too.
Then the back drop on center stage rolls up behind Gomer.
Henry: And right now, I give you assorted assortment of executioners of music and song. The Five Bear Rugs, plus Gomer. Hit it boys.
The curtain opens and a platform with 6 bears comes forward and the lights come up. Henry sings ''The Five Bear Rugs'', which introduces them in counter clockwise order, starting with the older bear in front. A spotlight highlights each one in turn.
Henry singing: The Bear Band bears will play now in the good ole' key of G, Zeke, and Zed, and Ted, and Fred And a bear named Tennessee.
Zeke is twanging on the banjo and tapping with his feet or banging on the dishpan with a real ole country beat.
Zed is sawing on the fiddle with a crooked hickory bow. When the spirit moves that bruin he can make that fiddle go.
And Ted is on the cornjug. Now I mean that bear can blow. He also plays the washboard with a handle on a hoe.
Big Fred's playing mouth harp. He plays it kinds sad. He never took a lesson. He just picked it from Dad.
And little ole Tennessee bear is featured on the Thing. Sounds just like a guitar but it's only got one string.
So clap your hands, and stomp your feet and try to keep right with us. One sure thing the bear band's got is good old country rhythm.
So clap your hands, and stomp your feet and try to keep right with us. One sure thing the bear band's got is good old country rhythm.
When their song is over, the stage goes back, but not before the little bear sitting on the front of the platform squeezes his teddy bear.
The curtain is replaced with a backdrop of a park. A bear playing a mandolin takes center stage right. He is strumming on the mandolin.
Wendell: Aren't you going to help me out over there Henry? Goodness gracious! What do you think we have you on the show fer.
Henry appears on stage 2 this time, with a guitar in his paws.
Henry: Now Wendell...
Wendell: You're supposed to pick...
Henry: Now Wendell please...
Wendell: Ah, If you can't cut it, just lay out.
Henry: Well let's not fight now, cause we got work to do here.
Wendell: Let's do it.
They both plucking their instruments and the next song begins...
Henry sings: Now here's a fractured folk song, butchered by two birds.
Wendell sings: We wrote these lousy lyrics and we also wrote the words.
Henry sings: The chords are very simple. In fact, there's only three. First there's G, then C then D. And then you go on back to G.
Wendell: But you got to be quick!
Henry: Hahaha.
Henry then introduces the next act.
Henry: And now a heart rendering ditty, by our own growler of song, Liver Lips McGrowl! Sing it Mac!
Stage 4's curtain opens and we see a tall bear with very large lips, like a monkey, wearing baggie pants held by one suspender.
L. Lips sings: I got a woman, she's got me. Whatever we do, we both agree She ain't purty, but I ain't too. The things we like are the things we do.
My woman ain't purty, but she don't swear none. She's kinda heavy, don't weigh a ton. She's my woman, through and through I love her only cause my heart is true.
Wendell then returns as stage 4's curtain closes, and he and Henry sing another ditty.
Wendell and Henry sing: Mama don't whoop little Buford. Mama don't pound on his head. Mama don't whoop little Buford. I think you should shoot him instead.
Henry: -Bang!-
Wendell disappears and attention returns back to Henry.
Henry: Yes, folks we only have high class stuff on this show. And now here is a special treat out of Tampa. A little bit of ever loving cuddlesome fluff, our own Trixie!
Stage 5 opens and we see a rather large woman bear. Kind of a cross between a bear and the hippos from Fantasia. She is holding a handkerchief and a nonspillable chaser.
Trixie sings: Tears will be the chaser for your wine. After you leave this love of mine. Bright lights and taverns, That's where you'll spend your time, and tears will be the chaser for your wine.
Henry: Beautiful, Beautiful. That was a mighty big song Trixie!
Trixie: Oh thank you Henry!
After the song ends, the heads on the wall rejoin the show with a bit of conversation.
Buff: That sure ain't all that's big.
Buck: Well, you're no light weight yourself Buff!
Henry: Boys, boys, watch your manners...
Melvin: Yeah, if you can't say something nice...err...
Henry: Boys, boys, okay now boys if you just stop carrying on like, we just might dedicate this next song to you all. And we so dedicate. Sing it Zeke!
The bear band returns to play another song in which Zeke is featured singing on the center stage.
Zeke singing: When I was young and in my prime. I thought I thought never would marry but I fell in love with a pretty little gal And sure enough we married.
''Ataboy, Zeke!''
Ring-a-ding-ding Mary, Prettiest little gal, I ever did see. Her name was Devillish Mary.
''What a gal!''
Hadn't been married but about two weeks She got as mean as the devil And every time I looked cross-eyed She'd hit me on the head with a shevill.
''How sad.''
Ring-a-ding-ding Mary, Prettiest little gal, I ever did see Her name was Devillish Mary.
''What a pity!''
Her name was Devillish Mary.
The bear band's baby bear squeezes his teddy again and then they fade out. Wilbur is next with a short ballad on stage 2.
Wilbur: How long is forever? How soon is now or never? How long will this heartaches linger on? and how long will my baby be gone?
Henry returns to stage 4 for the introduction of the next act. As the music from the previous song ends, his eyebrows go up and down in time with the music.
Henry: Now, here they come, those little sun bonnets from the sunshine state, Bunny, Bubbles, and Buelah!
Three identical girl bears appear center stage. Behind them, as filmstrip screen also can be seen. As they sing, the words are shown on the screen.
Sun Bonnets: Everytime I meet a guy who gets me shook all I ever get from him's a dirty look. It's the same way, everwhere I've found. All the guys that turn me on, turn me down.
All the guys that turn me on, turn me down. Nothing works for me that I found. It's the same way everywhere I see. Nothing ever seems to work for me Nothing ever seems to work for me Doodle Doodle Do-Do-Do Bum Bump.
The Sun Bonnets disappear and Stage 1's curtain opens with a high brow bear holding a fiddle. He does a little solo, and then sings.
Ernest: One night I left the wife at home and went out with the boys I was acting like a Don Juan and making a lot of noise
Henrey: ''You old lover boy!''
A gogo girl called my hand, I said, ''I can't I'm a married man'' She said if you ain't a gonna steal, you better not prowl. ''He's a born loser!'' Don't dosido with a gogo, if you can't bite don't growl. If you can't bite don't growl.
The ever moving Henry, returns again to stage 2 to accompany the most flamboyant bear in the show.
Henry: My my. Now here she is, that delightful, delicate, dedicated dimple darling of the Dakotas. The last of the big time swingers. Swinging Teddi Berra! Swing it Teddi!
As a swing decends from the ceiling, a bear resembling Mae West swings back and forth, and sings. While she does, Henry, and the heads on the wall, make comments in awe of her beauty.
Buck: Wowwee, here she comes...
Teddi singing: Well there he goes, he hardly knows the heart he's breaking.
Henry: Lovely, lovely!
Teddi singing: I talked to him, but I don't think he understood.
Buff: Oh sing it gal.
Teddi singing: Oh just forget about the plans that we were making.
Henry: My my.
Teddi singing: Heart we did all that we could.
Teddi then teases all the other bears, especially Henry in a Mae West accent, as her swing ascends back into the ceiling.
Teddi: You all come up and see me some time, ya hear?!
Henry: Yeah, as soon as I find a ladder, I'll be right up! Uh-huh.
Stage 1 gets the spotlight next as a rather untuned guitar is heard. The curtain then opens to introduce Big Al, undoubtedly one of the favorite bears in the CBJ. He is a large baggy bear with a voice that sounds very much like Tex Ritter (that's because it is!).
Big Al: There was blood on the saddle and blood all around And a great big puddle of blood on the ground! Hehehe
The curtain closes as he laughs and Henry returns, this time on stage 5. He is joined by Sammy, the raccoon, who is actually his hat. Didn't Sammy used to be a skunk?? Anyway, Henry sings again that famous tune ''Davy Crockett!''
Henry: Born on the mountain top in Tennessee greenest state in the land of the free. Raised in the woods, so he knew every tree. Tamed him a b'ar when he was only three.
Davy, Davy crockett. King of the Wild Frontier.
Up through the woods, he's a marching along making up yarns and a singing his song. Itchin' fer fightin' and rightin' a wrong....
All of the sudden, out of nowhere, the curtain on stage #1 opens up, and Big Al starts singing his dirge again, interrupting Henry.
Henry: Hey, wait a minute! Hold the phone down there, you've had your turn.
Frustrated, Henry waits for him to stop, but the raccoon realizes he's not going to.
Sammy: Henry, Henry, we've need help!
Henry: Right Sammy! Hey gang hit it!
All the curtains open up, and all the bears (except Ernest and Trixie) make one last appearance. Teddi Berra comes down from the ceiling, and the finale begins. Big Al, though, is undaunted by the other bears singing, as he still continues on with his Blood on the Saddle song in the background.
Cast singing: Well he's big around the middle and he's broad across the rump, running 90 miles an hour making 30 feet a jump. He's never been cornered and he's never been treed.
Some folks say he's looks a lot like me.
High on the mountain, tell me what do you see? Bear tracks, bear tracks, looking back at me.
Better get your rifles before it's too late. Bears got a little big, and he's headed through the gate.
He's big around the middle and he's broad across the rump, running 90 miles an hour making 30 feet a jump. He's never been cornered and he's never been treed. Some folks say he's looks a lot like me.
The whole stage goes dark quickly and a crashing noise can be heard from Big Al's stage and the curtain shakes. I'm not sure if Big Al met with an accident or the other bears jumped him (according to the story). But don't worry, but he'll be back in the next show...
Henry: Hehehe, well as you can see, we're just one big happy family. Well folks, this concludes our show. So thanks for bearing with us to the bear end and barrel around to see us again. What do you say Sammy?
Sammy: I say you all come back, ya hear...
The show officially ends and the attendant asks the audience to gather their belongings, but a song ushers the patrons out of the theatre.
Buff, Henry, Melvin, Sammy, and Buck sing: We hope that you'll be coming back again. That's you'll drop in and see us now and then. We've done our very best to please With just the bear necessities We hope that you'll be comin' back again.
Come again, come again. The welcome mat is always out, 'Cause seein' you is fun!
We hope that you'll be comin' back again. That you'll drop in to see us now and then. We've had such fun, we're going to cry. We just can't bear to say goodbye. We hope that you'll be coming back again.
Buck: Don't forget to gather your belongings.
Melvin: And your husbands too.
Buck: It's been good to have you.
Buff: So long folks.
